


Bonnie

by jongbuttbutt



Series: Adrift [1]
Category: B.A.P, K-pop
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-18
Updated: 2017-12-18
Packaged: 2019-02-16 15:21:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,004
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13056696
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jongbuttbutt/pseuds/jongbuttbutt
Summary: Daehyun is a concept and Youngjae waters the withered plants by his windowsill.





	Bonnie

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: Mentions of drug use  
> This didn't turn out the way I expected it to, because turns out I was in the mood to write something a little less serious. This has unexpectedly become a two-part series, linked only thematically. I hope I keep to it. Thank you for reading :)

It's 1 a.m. on the analogue clock by his bedside, red lines flashing at the turn of the hour. The night shines cheap neon, illuminating the wet tar. Daehyun fishes around his pocket for his change- folded and soft from the rain and walks into the 24 hour chain store. Daehyun turns the isle and collides into a boy- same age as he was, eyes frantic, darting, Daehyun catches the chocolate bar as it falls from under the boy's baggy jacket. 

  
The boy grabs his arm and runs, pulling him past the isles and out the store. It would be too late when the shopkeeper notices. 

  
And there Daehyun was, bunch of bananas in his hand, adrenaline pulsing yellow through his veins.

  
"Now you can't tell on me." The boy says and his face peeks through his hood- glint in his almond eyes, pink lips and flushed cheeks. Daehyun remembers to breathe when the boy turns the next alley, out of sight. The notion of _wait_  dying on Daehyun's tongue. It leaves a bad taste. One that Daehyun spends the next few weeks wishing he could get rid of.

 

♒

 

They meet again. 

  
Daehyun sees him in the university and taps him on the shoulder, _hey_.

  
The boy turns around and smiles and Daehyun lets his guard down. Such a bright smile- all teeth, eyes disappearing behind cheeks. 

  
_oh it's you!_

  
He says and probably it isn't just coincidence they should meet again. The boy excuses himself from his friends, they take glances at Daehyun and walk off, slightly annoyed. 

  
They are sitting on a curb, convenient store ice creams in their hands- this time, paid for. 

  
"So... Did you enjoy the bananas?"

  
"I waited for them to get ripe, then I forgot about them so..." Daehyun smiles, sheepish. "You know... bananas... Am I right?" Daehyun wants to die now. Himchan has always told him how bad he was at small talk, but now he sees it- hears it, echoing in his head. But the boy is laughing, and Daehyun is sure it isn't just a coincidence that they should meet again. 

  
"I'm sorry your friends went off without you." Daehyun offers.

  
"It's okay. This is nice."

  
"What is 'this'?" Daehyun asks, running his tongue over where his lip is chapped and splitting. 

  
A shrug.

  
_We'll just have to find out._

 

♒

  
The boy promises to tell Daehyun his name the fifth time they meet. He's a strange mix of romanticised misadvanture and Daehyun plays along. In the in between hours of making the boy's acquaintance and the fifth time they meet Daehyun dreams up permutations of the boy's name in colour. 

  
"What do I call you then?" Daehyun had said.

  
_Does it really matter?_

  
_Yes._

  
The boy laughed, the same bright light, unguarded and fearless, "call me whatever. Whatever you like."

  
It wasn't fair, Daehyun felt vulnerable after telling the boy his name and watching the boy wrap his tongue around each syllable. Tentatively tasting every word.

  
Daehyun thought hard, fingers drumming on his lips. He thought of what the boy had talked to him about, stories, random things he has read, about fate and affinity and Bonnie and Clyde. 

  
_Bonnie._

  
The boy raised a brow, a smile- smug and knowing. 

  
"Shouldn't I be Clyde?"

  
Daehyun shrugged. He didn't know. He understood the concept, he heard it used in a reference, but didn't know the details. It was told to him in ambiguity. The intricacies escapes him. He just liked the way the B felt on his lips; bubbling, hopeful and warm. Like the B in baby; details, it didn't matter. The concept was there.

  
"Meet me two more times and I won't have to be Bonnie anymore." The boy was smiling, now vivid in Daehyun's memory. 

  
For now he'll be the Bonnie to his unbefitting Clyde.

  
♒

 

The fourth time they meet they're at a playground. 

  
The boy takes a bottle from a brown paper bag. Daehyun takes a swig from the bottle, and chokes as the liquid fire cuts through his throat. 

  
"It's not water. Take it easy!"

  
The boy quips and Daehyun doesn't address him by his nickname. It's silly, but it's a concept, one that the boy seems all too ready to delve into, explore the realms of their new-found acquaintance. So Daehyun settles with shoves and nudges. He has always been tactile, even with people he barely knows. But no one feels quite the way the boy does, skin warm and soft under his fingertips. Daehyun is careful not to let his touches linger. Until they're drunk from a little more than half the bottle of 40%. Then it's all laughter and Daehyun wonders if the night had always been host to such a wild cacophony of colours. His head is swirling, the world is the boy's smile and the way the name Daehyun slips past his lips like an old friend. A hand to steady Daehyun's back and more stories. Everything is amusing and Daehyun's feels all his nerve endings spark and fade.  

  
Daehyun leans forward and they kiss, the steadying arm on his back quivers and slides to his waist. It's as chaste as all alcohol kisses are- all tongue and sloppy and beckoning. They part to breathe and Daehyun feels his heart swell when the boy pulls him back for more. 

  
_"Youngjae."_

  
It comes as an interrupted whisper between breaths and feverish kisses, Daehyun presses his forehead against the boy's, "hmm?" he says, gentle.

  
"I'm Youngjae." the boy says and Daehyun thinks it's more beautiful than the words he dreams of in the hours he lies awake thinking of his name.

  
"Nice to meet you Youngjae."

  
They kiss again like they will never meet again. But it's the fourth time Daehyun has seen him and he knows it's the dawn of a long day. They don't stop to breathe this time. 

 

♒

  
Youngjae waters the withered plants by his windowsill.

  
"Spider ivies." Youngjae had told him. That's what they were; had been. 

  
"Why?"

  
"I heard they're easy to care for. Water and sunlight."

  
That hadn't been Daehyun's question, but he nods, "maybe you should try succulents next time. Then you won't have to water them so much."

  
"Maybe when I'm ready." Youngjae says, ambiguous, smiling at how perfectly insignificant this moment is. And yet it'll float to the surface of his mind whenever he thinks of Daehyun. 

  
Youngjae sets the watering can down, holds Daehyun's hand and leads him to the the floor, the room is small as all school halls are, different aspects of life blend together. Youngjae places a plastic bag over the smoke detector in his room. They sit, cross-legged, across one another. Daehyun waits as Youngjae pulls out a plastic lunchbox from one of the drawers. 

  
Youngjae tears an old bus ticket in half, rolling the cardboard into a spiral. He straightens paper and pulls apart the tight knit of green and ash. He tears them fine and places them on the paper. Roll, lick, light. Daehyun watches, mouth slightly open in concentration. He watches quietly, like if he breaks the silence Youngjae would change his mind. He watches like he always does, and after all this time he still enjoys watching. Youngjae is meticulous, and careful, and Daehyun wonders if he'll ever stop tripping on the slight elevation outside his own room. Smoke billows from Youngjae's mouth, his lips a practiced 'o', eyes closed. And Daehyun waits as Youngjae passes him the joint. He pinches it between two uncertain fingers, "how-"

  
"Just breathe."

  
Youngjae leans back on his palms and watches as Daehyun places it between his lips and inhales. Then the sounds of sputtering and coughing bounce off the walls. "Here." Youngjae hands Deahyun a glass of water, cool on his skin, _don't worry, that's normal. You'll get it in no time._

  
He does-

  
and they're on their second joint, even though Daehyun's world is spinning and he really shouldn't. His heartbeat rings in his ears, he feels heavier and his thoughts are going into overdrive. Has Youngjae's eyes always held the galaxies? Perhaps. 

  
Youngjae's expression is kind and Daehyun has never trusted so easily.

  
They talk through the night, Daehyun feels like a spectator in his own life, in the corner of the room, watching as Youngjae intertwines his fingers with his, playing with the pads of his fingertips. Daehyun is ticklish even when his mind is swimming in the clouds. He laughs and pulls Youngjae atop him. 

  
_Oompf._

  
Youngjae laughs breathlessly as he recovers from the landing. If Daehyun had been completely honest Youngjae's body is fully slumped on his and it's hard to breathe. Then again, it's always hard to breathe when Youngjae is around. Youngjae props himself up and traces Daehyun's features with his finger. Daehyun kisses his fingertips as they come to rest on his lips.

  
They kiss and Daehyun doesn't open his eyes even after they pull apart. In another world this wouldn't have been real. Daehyun would be in his own room rewatching the funny bits of his favourite movie. But Youngjae's weight atop him tells him this is his reality now and when he opens his eyes Youngjae will be in his arms.

  
His eyes flutter open and Youngjae's head is on his chest, his breathing even.

  
_Till we die, Daehyunnie- till we die._

  
♒

  
"It's my brother's."

  
"Your brother lets you ride without a licence?" Daehyun asks. If it had been him, his brother would hand him to the police himself. 

  
"I said it's my brother's. I didn't say he knew I borrowed it." Youngjae says, smug as he fixes the helmet on Daehyun's head, frowning a little, "your head is a little big. In my family everyone has small heads."

  
Daehyun has never been on a motorcycle before, so when Youngjae asks him to hold on tight, he hugs Youngjae's waist and buries his head in his back. 

  
"I'm going to go faster, okay?" Youngjae shouts over the wind. They're in the countryside now and the roads twist before them. Daehyun digs deeper into Youngjae's shoulder. Youngjae laughs, he accelerates gradually, "look up Daehyun! You're safe." the wind plays a whistle by Daehyun's helmet and he hears Youngjae through the echoing of his voice in his ribs. He listens nonetheless, and he looks, tentative. The world is a blur and Daehyun feels safe with his arms around Youngjae's waist. He chuckles, the air is ticklish as it brushes against him, his visor fogs up. 

  
His pounding heart drowns out the wind. 

 

♒

  
Sometimes Daehyun brings Youngjae back to his house. It's on the other side of the campus and it's a hassle to travel, mostly he stays over at Youngjae's. Daehyun sneaks him into his room, "my housemates are meddlesome." Youngjae laughs, "that means they care."

  
Daehyun hadn't expected it to happen at his place. Youngjae's room, albeit messy, seemed more apt- books and notes strewn everywhere, minimal decorations, four or five event posters pasted on his wall. Daehyun's room, by contrast- 

  
The lava lamp illuminates his room, and Youngjae knocks the glass, fascinated. There are one too many movie posters in his room, posters of idols from the 90s, Daehyun's things organised neatly on the shelves. His room didn't smell as lived in as Youngjae's did. 

  
A loud bang startles them both and Daehyun responds by furiously knocking on the thin plaster that separates his room from the next, "don't you dare break anything Kim Himchan!" he yells. The reply that comes is muffled. "If anything is broken we won't get our deposits back." Daehyun says, sheepish, and Youngjae laughs, quieter than he usually does. Maybe the prospect of being Daehyun's little secret excited him. They're lying on Daehyun's bed and the springs creak underneath them. Daehyun apologises for the fifth time. 

  
"Don't apologise. I love your room." Youngjae says as he takes interest in the toy models on Daehyun's bedside table. "It's very you." Youngjae says and Daehyun knows he means it in a good way. But it makes him feel all the more different from Youngjae. Like they were never meant to cross paths and Daehyun is going to lose him if and when he realises. But for now, Youngjae seems completely oblivious, "When I have my own place in the future, I want it to look exactly like this."

  
Daehyun catches the child-like glint in his eyes. The same glint he had the _first time-_

  
_second time-_

  
_third time-_

  
\- whenever they meet. 

  
"Yeah?" Daehyun says. He's smiling, and Youngjae turns to face him, "yeah."

  
They kiss and it's-

  
lightning. 

  
There is an urgency in Youngjae's touches and Daehyun has no difficulty matching that intensity. Youngjae slides his hands under Daehyun's shirt, lower, under the waistband of his pants. "Is this okay with you?" Youngjae asks and Daehyun nods feverishly, pulling Youngjae back into their collective heat. 

  
"Is it okay with you?" Daehyun is cupping Youngjae's face in his hands and Youngjae is everything and he's almost afraid of the answer.

  
"Of course." Youngjae kisses Daehyun's palms, "I like you, Daehyun. I want you."

  
This direction they were taking-

  
this spiral- is okay. As long as Youngjae is there too. 

 

♒

 

"Remember the first time we met?" Daehyun exhales. Someone is going to have to open the windows to let the air out. But for now they are lying on the bed, ash falls from the tip of where the flame meets paper. They will have to wash the sheets later, maybe tomorrow, when their heads have cleared. 

  
"Yeah." Youngjae's voice is a whisper, it's too quiet to speak and Daehyun is surprised. Had it been significant to Youngjae? 

  
"Why did you steal?" Daehyun wonders if he'll regret this tomorrow, he thinks he will, he often does. 

  
"I don't know..." Youngjae hums. "It's a thing... I guess... My ex..."

  
Youngjae tells Daehyun the story of lost love. His lost love. "We broke up a few months ago."

  
"How long were you together for?"

  
"Oh, years."

  
And it all sounds like a movie sequence- two people in love. There's a hint of familiarity to it, almost-

  
Bonnie and Clyde.

  
"What happened?"

  
"He just... Stopped."

  
And Daehyun wonders what that could feel like- 

  
to stop loving Youngjae. 

  
He laughs. 

  
How implausible that seems. 

  
Daehyun asks for more and regrets later when he feels the heaviness in his chest at the wistfulness in Youngjae's voice.  

  
The befitting Bonnie to Youngjae's Clyde. 

  
Daehyun is a moth, circling Youngjae's flame, helpless, irrevocably akratic. His feathered wings singing; melting under the heat. 

  
Now, Daehyun is Bonnie and he marvels at how much of a long shot that seems. 

 

♒

 

They don't speak for a week.

  
Until a house party of some sort. Almost everyone in his university had been invited. Probably an overstatement, but from the looks of it. 

  
Daehyun is on a couch, ratty and sinking where his body had come into contact with the fabric. He occasionally joins in on the conversation Himchan is having with this other boy- Junhong? Jongup? Could be the both of them, sitting on the other couch perpendicular to them. Freshmen. Yongguk had gone off to get more drinks and Daehyun continues to sip on his rum and coke. The alcohol limits his inhibitions and he laughs and make jokes and they tell him he's funny. Daehyun knows, sometimes, he's heard. 

  
"Looking for someone?" Yongguk asks as he sets the bottle on the glass table and sets himself down between Himchan and Daehyun. Daehyun laughs it off. "No." Yongguk smiles, amused. When will Daehyun realise he's not an idiot. He puts an arm around Himchan's shoulder and listens in on the conversation.

  
Daehyun's eyes scan the living room again, the sea of bodies, for one that even vaguely resembles Youngjae. 

  
And Daehyun sees him- bright eyes; brightness. 

  
Youngjae catches him looking and he smiles even brighter. Their gaze linger and Youngjae leaves the group of people he is with, heading towards the back. Daehyun excuses himself and follows Youngjae. They meet in the kitchen. "I knew you'd be here." Daehyun says, proudly. He doesn't try to hide how excited he sounds and Youngjae laughs, "I'm glad you found me." Youngjae laces their fingers together, Daehyun jumps. "It's okay, no one here cares." Youngjae's voice is a whisper now and he smells like alcohol, just a little, a good enough amount. 

  
"We could dance..." Daehyun suggests because his heart is about to burst out of his chest and that's what people at parties do right? They dance when they like someone and they haven't found a way to tell them yet or they're too scared to even try. He leads Youngjae to the empty space where people had started dancing to the music playing from someone's laptop, too drunk to care what was playing, just moving felt good. Amidst the brush of bodies and spilling of drinks on socks, they dance, never once letting go of each other's hands. It's nerve-wrecking, yes, but Daehyun thinks Youngjae is beautiful, the way he laughs when he misses the rhythm and when they bump into each other, so he forgets ever being nervous, ever being an ill-fit, ever being just Daehyun. The music gets worse after the ninth, tenth song and Youngjae pulls Daehyun out of the crowd and leads him upstairs, grabbing a half-finished bottle of wine along the way. All the rooms are taken by newly formed couples making out and Youngjae leads Daehyun into the bathroom. "I hope you don't mind..." The bathroom is large, black and white tiled floors and a bath. What was there to mind? The space? The fact that it was a bathroom? 

  
They lock the door behind them and Youngjae sets himself on the floor, taking a swig from the bottle and passing it to Daehyun. "After a while some quiet is nice." Youngjae sighs and rests his head against the bathtub. Daehyun sits beside him and hums a reply. He has never really felt the need to leave the party halfway-

  
Or be alone with somebody. 

  
"I'm so glad you found me, Daehyun." Youngjae says, absentminded, they drink more and people come and go after trying at the handle of the door. 

  
"Come on, let's dance. It's the wine, I can never keep still after." Youngjae announces, a little too loud, unguarded and clumsy as he struggles to pull Daehyun from the ground. Youngjae fumbles with his phone, but Daehyun has already managed to play something on his. Sad disco churns from the speaker and he sets it on the sink. They hold hands and dance, drink, dance. Daehyun thinks his playlist is made specially for this-

  
Dancing alone with Youngjae in the bathroom of a house party. Watching as Youngjae smiles. He has such a captivating joy that Daehyun finds himself swimming in Youngjae's light. Daehyun presses their foreheads together and they're sweaty and it's late and the music from down the hall clashes with theirs, but-

  
"What's so funny, Daehyunnie?" Youngjae asks, placing a hand on Daehyun's cheek.

  
"Do you do this a lot?"

  
"Dance with someone in the bathroom of a house whose owner I don't even know?" Youngjae smiles, it's a quiet smile, like he already had the answer prepared from the start when he first met Daehyun at the 24 hour store. "I never felt the need to." Youngjae says. Daehyun's eyes are large and Youngjae can see how nervous he is and there's something in Youngjae's stomach that just flutters.

 

They kiss; wine-stained lips.

  
Their hair smelled like cigarette smoke and late nights, and they leave to sit in the backyard after more furious knocking at the door. 

  
Youngjae is drunk and takes Daehyun down with him when he trips and lands on the grass, giggling and hiding his face in his palms. He hums a tune that Daehyun doesn't recognise and Daehyun settles himself in the warmth of contentment, beaming. 

  
"I've missed you Daehyun... You disappeared for a week. I was worried." Youngjae hooks his pinky with Daehyun's. 

  
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean it."

  
"Let's never not see each other ever again." Youngjae says and Daehyun presses a kiss on his forehead; long and tender. "That would be best." He answers and he knows he can never make himself stay away, so maybe it's better if he doesn't try. Youngjae beams and forgets about how miserable he'd been the past week and his big plan to make Daehyun feel bad. 

  
"Till we die Daehyun." Youngjae mumbles ambiguously on their way back to his place. 

  
"What do you mean?" Daehyun musters the courage to ask, but Youngjae is asleep on his shoulder, cheeks dusted pink, a smile tugging at the corners of his lips.

  
He runs his fingers gently through Youngjae's hair and stays the night. 

 

♒

 

Daehyun plays his role well, he thinks.

  
When he's alone in his room sometimes and his life plays before him like a movie. 

  
He's convincing as a supporting role. 

  
He pauses at some moments, rewinds at some to live them again and again and he thinks he sees a pattern. It's not that he minded- Youngjae was just so- 

  
_Youngjae._

  
Daehyun thinks such novelty can only be expressed by the leading role. Youngjae with his ideas and words and the way he looks in the visual medley of Daehyun's memories. 

  
Daehyun thinks maybe he is a concept.

  
He doesn't think he can ever ask for more. 

  
Because Daehyun is a concept and he would die for Youngjae.

 

♒

 

"I like spending time with you." Daehyun blurts. It's late and Daehyun's past the point of being nervous when he's with Youngjae. 

  
They are in Youngjae's room and Daehyun is working on an assignment that was due a few hours ago. Youngjae looks up from his own work, "really?" he asks, eyes wide, "even if we're cooped in my room all day?"

  
"That's the best." Daehyun leans back, his head almost touching the bed, baiting Youngjae for a reaction. Surely enough, Youngjae throws a textbook his way. Daehyun promised he wouldn't take any breaks until he finished his assignment, but he still thought it a strange image that Youngjae cared so much for school. "I really enjoy your company, Youngjae."

  
Youngjae tells him to shut up. 

  
Daehyun catches him smiling from the reflection in the mirror.

  
"What would you like to do next?" Youngjae asks, still smiling, he doesn't look up from his work, Daehyun thinks it's amazing really. 

  
Daehyun thinks for a bit. Well, there's this Kimchi museum round the corner of Daehyun's house, that he's been meaning to go to. But would Youngjae want to spend a whole afternoon sampling kimchi? Maybe not. "Anything you'd like to do." 

 

♒

 

Himchan asks Daehyun where he has been, because in the past months he never sees him, only in the rare occasions where he returns to get more of his things. The only reply he gets is a giddy smile. It's cute, Himchan thinks, he's definitely going to get his heart broken. Himchan gets his answer one morning, when he finds a stranger in the kitchen rummaging through the spice cupboard. 

  
"What are you looking for." Himchan asks, raised brow, arms folded leaning against the fridge. 

  
The stranger jumps, nearly knocking over the pan of omelette and sausages. "I... I'm sorry I thought no one else was home."

  
Himchan grins knowingly. So this is the reason for Daehyun's disappearance. He knows. If Daehyun had a type, this boy would be the perfect embodiment. 

  
"Sorry for scaring you... So... What are you looking for?"

  
"Oregano..." 

  
Himchan reaches to the back of the cupboard and hands him the bottle. "Don't think we have oregano, is basil okay?"

  
"What's the difference?" The stranger says, genuinely thoughtful. 

  
Himchan laughs, shrugs, "who knows."

 

♒

 

Youngjae sets breakfast down on the desk and he wakes Daehyun. Maybe he likes watching Daehyun sleep. He rarely gets up later than Youngjae does, and Youngjae loves him like this- messy hair, swollen lips, hooded eyes. 

  
Daehyun wonders if maybe this means something, maybe he's been watching too much television. 

  
"So I met Himchan..."

  
Daehyun shoots up, suddenly anxious, "what did he say?"

  
"He says you're in love with me."

  
Daehyun could lie, dismiss it. And he wonders if Youngjae would know- 

  
That Daehyun is willing to be anything and everything for him. 

  
"N-No." Daehyun stutters eloquently. 

  
"Well... Too bad then." Youngjae sighs, shoulders slumped theatrically. He picks up the tray full of breakfast, setting it down on Daehyun's lap, "I even made breakfast for the both of us."

  
Daehyun hugs Youngjae. Because that's what people do right? When they aren't sure and when everything is a little too much for 9am. Youngjae smells like cooking, he'll probably have to borrow Daehyun's clothes before heading out. Youngjae helps himself to Daehyun's hoodie. 

  
Maybe television's got nothing to do with this.

  
♒

  
"Let's go rob the convenience store." Youngjae says one day, his face serious, eyes hard, and Daehyun's mouth hangs agape. He stutters out a, "what?"

  
"You heard me, let's go rob the convenience store. It'll be easy, take their money, slink out the door, avoid the cameras. I know where all the cameras are." 

  
"I'm sure you do... But... Like... Right now?" 

  
"It's 8am in the morning, Daehyun. Not right now! Maybe tonight, tomorrow night, something of that sort." 

  
Before Daehyun can take a moment to contemplate the severity of the idea, his mouth betrays him and he chokes out an "okay". He doesn't know whether he should be proud of himself now that guilt has started to form a pool in his belly. 

  
Youngjae sighs and drops his head down on the pillow beside Daehyun, he looks up at the ceiling where the sun has started to crawl in past the blinds. There's a strange silence displacing the physical distance between them. If Daehyun is good at anything it's sensing tension. He scratches at the back of his hand and wonders if he said anything wrong. It seems like an eternity- clock ticking, rain dripping off the open window, the house is waking up- creaking and breathing. 

  
"You can say no, Daehyun." Youngjae has his arms raised up to the ceiling, palms expanding to shade his eyes from the sun. "I don't want to do those things anymore, Daehyun. I'm done reliving the past. Don't need to anymore."

  
"But... But you asked... Isn't that what you want? For us to do this together?" Daehyun is confused, his religious need to have breakfast within twenty minutes of waking up isn't helping. 

  
"That's not the point..." Youngjae hesitates, he's thinking of the words and Daehyun gives him all the time in the world. "I'm not..." He sighs, "I'm not the person you should be following to the ends of the earth... I'm just me." 

  
"But I would." Daehyun props himself up, he means it. It scares him but he means it.

  
"I know."

  
"I'm okay with it..." Daehyun looks at Youngjae, his features softened by the light streaming through the curtains. "I'm okay with this..." 

  
"I'm not." A cloud blocks out the steady stream of light and Daehyun watches as the details of Youngjae's face becomes salient. His almond eyes, his nose, his lips. Oh his lips. It's going to rain. His lips part again, "I like you Daehyun... Enough to want to know what you want. I need to know-" 

  
"Kimchi museum..." Daehyun's voice is a murmur.

  
"Huh" Youngjae says, absentminded.

  
"Kimchi museum. It's just a few blocks away from here. We could go... I heard they'll let you sample some..." Daehyun curses himself, his idea already sounds juvenile. 

  
"Okay," Youngjae smiles and Daehyun doesn't hear the static of rain against the window, "I like Kimchi. We'll go later." 

  
"So... Still wanna hang out with me after this?" Daehyun asks after reading another kimchi fact, far more than he can handle, half joking, half very serious. 

  
"Till we die, Daehyun." the words come as a gentle lull- Daehyun knows this voice, when Youngjae drops his sarcasm and wit and he's just. _Youngjae_. It's quiet and warm and it gives Daehyun butterflies. 

  
"What do you mean?" Because Daehyun wanted to know. For sure this time. 

  
Youngjae tells Daehyun he loves him amidst the dizzying display of kimchi-related paraphernalia. 

  
♒

  
Youngjae waters the succulents by his windowsill. 

  
They're flourishing and Youngjae thinks maybe, he's rather good at this. 

 

 

♒

 

It's a friend of a friend's house party and they've locked themselves in the bathroom. There's just enough space on the floor but Youngjae is pressed up against Daehyun like the walls are closing in on them. He has his head against Daehyun's shoulder and a bowl of soggy popcorn on his lap. Daehyun takes another swig of cider as he fiddles with the Uber app on his phone. "It says he's coming in 10 minutes", Daehyun squints at his screen and rocks his weight to his feet. "We still have time," Youngjae holds Daehyun tight so his head doesn't leave the comfort of his shoulder. The world is spinning too much for Youngjae to support the weight of his own head. Daehyun knows that there's a fifty percent chance that Youngjae might throw up in the cab, the last time it had been him, but thankfully Youngjae was good at handling these things; good at handling him. It's 4am and Youngjae's cheeks are dusted pink and Daehyun is head over heels in love. "So what do you want to do next?" Youngjae asks. Because life is a series of half-baked plans with Daehyun and Youngjae struggles to remember what life had been before this. Daehyun thinks maybe it's a nice time to stay home and order takeout. Youngjae agrees as he fumbles with the bathroom lock. 

  
"I love you." Youngjae slurs as he falls asleep in the cab. Daehyun says it back but he's sure Youngjae is already fast asleep so Daehyun says it again the next morning. The lights and sounds and electric neon dance by the window as they turn into the quieter streets

  
and Daehyun learns his place in Youngjae's world. 


End file.
